A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
