what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
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