The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
