I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
