I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
