hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
