Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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