considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
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