Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
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Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
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Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.