i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision