Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing