I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day