i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
