so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
What a dumb baby whore.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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