what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
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