some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
