I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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