I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
