So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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