We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
