I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
