Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
