whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
