Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
