Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
she peed on how many people?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
