ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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