id be glad to
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm like, not good at living.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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