I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
