Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Shame - the story of my life.
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