jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
