2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
