I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
