Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
