...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
BRING THE BAGELS
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
