don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
