Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(516): View more from New York

She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.

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(516): She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot. http://tfl.nu/dkig

Replies (3) Good night (836) Bad night (846)
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(407): View more from Florida

i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...

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(407): i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina... http://tfl.nu/9yjk

Replies (15) Good night (2928) Bad night (603)
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(512): View more from Texas

You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?

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(512): You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that? http://tfl.nu/amhf

Replies (16) Good night (3794) Bad night (1045)
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(516): View more from New York

ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront

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(516): ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront http://tfl.nu/ih22

Replies (46) Good night (1180) Bad night (4609)
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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal

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(267): i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal http://tfl.nu/wd7r

Replies (18) Good night (1407) Bad night (4057)
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(248): View more from Michigan

I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me

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(248): I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me http://tfl.nu/356r

Replies (20) Good night (7405) Bad night (1348)
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(480): View more from Arizona

my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station

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(480): my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station http://tfl.nu/uhsm

Replies (4) Good night (2021) Bad night (1284)
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(847): View more from Illinois

What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?

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(847): What sexual position says im sorry for your loss? http://tfl.nu/sjhl

Replies (27) Good night (2430) Bad night (846)
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(571): View more from Virginia

It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack

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(571): It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack http://tfl.nu/ebu7

Replies (3) Good night (738) Bad night (1986)
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(304): View more from West Virginia

Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.

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(304): Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad. http://tfl.nu/m6pm

Replies (5) Good night (1653) Bad night (542)
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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.

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(814): Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark. http://tfl.nu/ixe0

Replies (2) Good night (1523) Bad night (551)
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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.

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(306): My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover. http://tfl.nu/l5g3

Replies (3) Good night (778) Bad night (972)
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(281): View more from Texas

She really is something else.

(713): View more from Texas

Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.

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(281): She really is something else. (713): Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away. http://tfl.nu/3f56

Replies (3) Good night (953) Bad night (522)
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(815): View more from Illinois

Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here

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(815): Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here http://tfl.nu/s5pw

Replies (2) Good night (462) Bad night (308)
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(989): View more from Michigan

I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.

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(989): I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters. http://tfl.nu/zgo1

Replies (10) Good night (922) Bad night (287)

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