i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.