Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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