i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
