3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
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He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
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so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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