What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
