you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
