I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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