FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
