she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
