So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
