I want to make a zoo with you.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
