Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
