I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
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