When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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