Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
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