The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
