if you like me you must not know who I am
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
