what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
