he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
So apparently I’m into choking now
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
