someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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