My hand turned me down
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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