the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
