dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
