I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
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i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
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Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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