If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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