how can u be prego again
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
