I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
worst night to have a conscience
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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