Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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