It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
