look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
