He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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