i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
