someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
