marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
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I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
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your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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