mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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