how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
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