After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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