Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
it's great music for shaving your balls
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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