The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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