I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
