I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
