Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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