How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
We're too hungover to prance.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
