I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
