I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
what is it with giant penises always finding me
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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