I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Too much gin, very little bucket
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
