DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
