im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
