I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
