I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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