I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Randomize